apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
