ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
