just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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