she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
