Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
