finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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