If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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