dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
