I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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