If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
