He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
