Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
