How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
