Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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