sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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