I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
