One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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