Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
