Cold hands, warm shart.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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