"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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