Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
