Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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