The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
