my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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