i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
