idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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