So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
