The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
