omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
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His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
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I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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