my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
