pedialite and red bull = repair kit
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
