So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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