Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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