If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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