GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
