Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
