If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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