I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My feet surprised me
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
