Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
