my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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