I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
