I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
