you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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