I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
