i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
