Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
