He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
