dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
