If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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