my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize