my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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