I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
