When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
