I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
