I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
