Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
