dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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