Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
