theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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