I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
