oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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