I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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